


Always Somewhere To Hide But You're Never Alone

by Two_princes_kiss



Category: Lupin III
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Coming Out, Gay, Homophobia, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Love, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Secret Crush, implied depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:06:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23614948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Two_princes_kiss/pseuds/Two_princes_kiss
Summary: Goemon is depressed because of how he feels for the gunman, he wonders if anyone will accept someone like him.
Relationships: Ishikawa Goemon XIII/Jigen Daisuke
Comments: 5
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

_ It was hard enough to live life as a criminal, always looking over your shoulder and having to keep your guard up. Things were easier when you had other people with you, supporting you and doing the same thing. Secrets are easy to keep when they are the only things keeping you alive, the only things keeping you safe when you close your eyes at night. Tossing and turning with the blankets wrapped so tight around you, sweat pouring down in puddles.  _

_ I thought things would never get better, I thought all these secrets would be forever. Meeting my friends meant I had someone to let go of some of those secrets. Except for one, the one that felt so dirty when there was nothing particularly dirty about it. One of those things mothers hide their children from when they should be seeing it for the well being of their future. The secret that began to swell as soon as I met him.  _

“The sauna is always a good way to relax after those tense ass missions,” Jigen crossed his legs. His position made the towel he wore around his waist useless anyway, why did he bother in the first place? Maybe he didn’t expect to be naked around a fucking faggot who would stare at him. I shook my head, looking at his chest and avoiding his eyes. Everyone else was naked too and I was all too aware of the way things were, I mean I wasn’t going to get hard by just seeing a guy’s dick. It was seeing  _ his _ dick. 

“Goemon you always look stressed,” Lupin tapped his finger tips against his knee saying my name incorrectly as always. I suppose it’s due to the lack of accent.

“I’m always calm,” I lied. 

“You’re a ticking time bomb,” Jigen raised his eyebrows, “you’re too dense. Let an emotion out for once, talk to us dude.” I sighed and shook my head. 

“My meditation does me just fine,” I mumbled and stared at the floor.

“Worry about you,” Jigen mumbled and started talking to Lupin. I tried to keep my mind occupied, there was an absence of light in my dark foggy mind. I couldn’t seem to grasp onto anything other than the pain I was feeling, I almost wanted to run away from myself. I wanted to drown myself in alcohol and pass out in the kitchen like I used to until the other two locked it all up, for my safety they say. 

“Wanna head home?” Jigen asked me, his hand placed on my bare shoulder. There was always worry for me in his eyes, I hated it so much. Felt like the world was testing me, wanting me to fall in love with him, and just continue to hurt me. 

“Of course I do,” I muttered and stood up. 

“I’ll pick up a small bottle of whiskey for us,” he said, “if you promise to talk to me.” I grunted an answer and he put his hand out to help me stand. I stood up on my own, so fearful of shoving more thoughts to my heart that should have been light but ended up dark. Everything had to be so dark.

… 

“So,” he began. I watched his slender, shaky hands pour me a small amount of alcohol over ice. I hadn’t drank in a really long time, I was a little afraid of the warmth that slid down my throat. 

“So?” I mocked sarcastically and tried to avoid the urge to down everything in my glass. 

“Are you angry with me?” He asked calmly, genuinely. It hurt me, his care for me. 

“Of course I’m not,” I said, “maybe I am. Fuck if I know anymore.”

“What’s been going on with you lately?” He asked and placed a hand on my shoulder, his fingers curling into my white shirt slightly. 

“Angry,” I answered, “depressed. What’s new?” I took another drink from my glass, the ice already melting and diluting the whiskey. 

“But why?” Jigen asked and drank some from his own glass, his throat visibly swallowing making me blink myself to reality. 

“I hate lying,” I admitted, “everyday I lie and it’s building up. My mind is dark and everything seems to be slipping from my grip, I’m worthless as a person. I’m broken.” 

“Have you been hurting yourself?” Jigen asked, his hand twitching around his glass. 

“Not lately no,” I sighed and sipped more from my glass, “haven’t drank either.”

“How’s that been treating you then?” Jigen smiled a little, was it genuine as all other things he’d been saying?

“Naturally numb at this point,” I answered honestly, “I overthink too. All the things I’ve put on the back burner in my life are starting to over boil. I hate talking about this shit.” I pulled my hair a little and let the sting run its course, breathing in and out to try and calm down. I sipped my drink kind of wishing I had water instead at this point.

“You always tell me what you’re feeling but never what’s causing it,” Jigen sighed and shook his head, “it gets tiring. It’s so hard not to give up on you, I care about you so much but sometimes it’s like talking to a brick wall.” 

“I’m sorry,” I felt the burning behind my eyes. My walls were gonna crumble one day and fall on him, he’d just sweep me to the side and abandon the mess. There was no way he’d be able to take what was wrong with me.  _ I’ve been in love with you for years and it’s starting to break me down piece by piece.  _ It just doesn’t roll off the tongue does it? 

“Just fucking,” Jigen whispered, “tell me. What has gotten into you, it only seems to get worse over time. I thought it was just the alcohol but obviously there’s something else. The alcohol just made things worse.” He moved toward me, looking me in the eyes which were threatening to water. I took a deep breath and looked him back in the eyes. 

“I’m gay,” I watched his face as it slowly reacted. There was initially surprise, his features looking tense and scrunched like he was in thought. He leaned back on the bar stool, putting his elbow on the counter island in front of us. His features began to relax almost immediately after the surprise features came, looking mostly disappointed. 

I was going to have to leave, never come back, and have no safe place for the rest of my life. I could turn myself in, prison could be a place to sleep and eat at least. 

“Is that really it?” Jigen asked with a small laugh, I cocked an eyebrow at him and there was a pouring of tears from my eyes. When did that start? 

There were some in Jigen’s eyes too and they weren’t from his laughter. 

“Not really but that was most of it,” I shrugged and drank the rest of my glass. 

“Jesus Goemon,” he cackled a little, “I hate to be insensitive but no one here gives a shit.”

“Right,” I felt like my whole body was sinking into tar. 

“Seriously dude,” Jigen wiped his eyes, “oh my god.” I watched him cry for a while, he laughed at the same time but the tears were obviously sad or maybe relieved. I stayed silent until he gathered himself back together. I was worried about what he was going to respond with, I couldn’t tell if it was going to be good or bad. 

“I am too,” he answered with bloodshot eyes and tear tracks. He sniffed and kept wiping at his face like he was going to be able to stop the endless pouring of tears that he was producing. 

I felt like I was just kicked hard in the chest, my breath sort of taken away from me. At the same time the relief of being, understood? Was it understanding? I felt a sense of relief for some reason, just because he was gay didn’t mean I had a chance but…

“I uh,” I rubbed the back of my neck, “I have more bombs to drop.” I tried to laugh it off, looking at him to see if he had more to say. 

“I can’t believe it,” Jigen blinked and more tears fell, “I can’t stop crying. I’ve been so scared of saying anything and I’m just amazed.”

“It’s alright dude,” I laughed a little. A smile felt so foreign on my features, it felt good. All the other emotions I was feeling also felt incredibly overwhelming but maybe that’s how I was supposed to feel right now.

“I’m surprised you aren’t acting a little different,” Jigen said, “I think you’d be thrown away.”

“I’m smiling,” I laughed again, “that’s definitely something I haven’t done in awhile.” We both just chuckled and joked for a while, there was some sort of lightness to my body. How I used to feel all the time, how I felt when Jigen and I were good friends. Before things got complicated. 

“Fuck,” Jigen breathed, “well this has been fantastic but there’s obviously more.” He poured more into our cups, most of the ice melted and watering down the drink. Maybe that was the method or he just didn’t care. 

“I’ve been head over heels for literal years,” I paused for a moment, “for this person who has been torturing me for so long. He cares about me so much and he’s so in your face with how hot he is, it’s been tearing me apart Jigen.”

“Mhm,” he took a big drink from his cup. He winced at the taste, not great diluted. 

“Who might that be?” He raised an eyebrow accusingly toward my direction, I took a sigh that binded with a laugh. I stirred my drink with my finger and watched the liquid swirling in the glass, eye contact being painfully awkward. 

“You seem to know,” I huffed.

“I do,” he said. I peeked at him for a moment and he was swirling his glass, also avoiding eye contact. 

“Should we?” I swallowed around a lump in my throat, trying to stop me from speaking. 

“I mean you might not be-” I stuttered.    
“I am,” he said and his voice was nervous as mine. 

“So do we?” I didn’t want to say the words, neither did he. It felt so dirty. 

“I would like to but not like this,” Jigen answered, “we’re scared. I want to start off somewhere better than the kitchen at 11 PM while crying.”

“Yeah,” I said and looked over at him. He looked back at me and took off his hat, he carded his fingers through his hair. 

“You think I flaunt my good looks?” He smirked and sipped from his glass. 

“Do you think you don’t?” I mocked and he laughed. 

“Well I do,” Jigen giggled, “only because I think it’s funny to reject women sometimes.”

“You’re cruel,” I gave off a hearty laugh. A true, feel good laugh. 

“You walk around in tight clothes so often I’m  _ shocked  _ no one has figured out you’re gay.” Jigen rolled his eyes.

“Tight enough to get an image of everything,” he took a drink. 

“Hmm like you don’t unbutton the first 17 buttons of  _ every  _ shirt you wear,” I pointed at him accusingly, “and put a gold chain on so your eyes are naturally drawn to it.”

“Don’t expose my methods,” he squeezed his hand around his glass. I suddenly felt the heaviness of my actions, what were the consequences? I mean I felt like I had him under my grasp but then again maybe it was just how he felt tonight, I had felt these things for a long time. I told him it was love too, something that scares someone who has been in a month long relationship. Let alone one that doesn’t even exist yet. 

“If we do decide to be together,” he said almost on cue, “you can’t be so dense. You have to talk to me when something is happening up there.” He tapped my head with his finger and relaxed his posture in the chair. 

“I’ll warm up to it,” I answered honestly, “I don’t want to promise too much and not deliver. I’m a reserved person, I’ve had to since I was young.”

“Apart of the training,” he sighed in annoyance, “I hate when you say that.”

“How come?” I asked and he tilted his head a little. 

“I don’t like excuses but at the same time I know it’s the truth,” he said sadly. He sipped from his glass some more and I watched his Adam's apple bomb against his throat. 

“Should head to bed,” I said and slid my glass around the granite countertop. Luxury could only cover so much pain. 

“Right,” he tapped the counter with his finger. He looked undecided on whether he wanted to leave or not, he didn’t move in his seat but he also looked tired.

“You can join me,” I offered hesitantly, “if you’d like.” He didn’t really react, a small shrug and continued to trace his finger along the stone. I stood up and drank the rest of my glass, sliding it onto the top shelf of the dishwasher. I reached out for Jigen’s, looking at him for a response. 

“Take it,” he slid it to me. I put it in as well. 

“If you decide to come in later you can,” I swallowed, “make sure the other two don’t see you.” I walked to my room, I tried to sound and look confident but I was so afraid. Was having sex something on his mind? Of course it was on my mind but I didn’t want it right now. I wanted something serious with Jigen, I think if we did it now I would become standoffish to a relationship.

I sat myself on top of my pillows. I was starting to feel so insecure with myself, I felt so disgusting and dirty for being gay in the first place. Now I had spoken the words into the air, they were lingering. I hear Jigen’s footsteps fade off and the front door opens, then closes. He’s smoking outside, he does it occasionally. How could I sleep thinking so hard?

Maybe if I just got used to Jigen’s company in a serious way I’d feel better. For some reason I wanted to have sex but I wouldn’t ever want to do it again. I wanted to let it all out and run away, never see him again. Never see Lupin again. Let myself die in the street, die in jail. 

Reminiscent of what I could have been, if I hadn’t endured the abuse. Endured the training that dissociated me from who I really was, who I wanted to be.

Maybe Jigen could be the one to bring me back. 

“What’s up,” Jigen’s voice startled me, “over thinking? What’s it about?” I laughed a little, he smirked back and I saw he had changed. He just had baggy sleep pants and a hoodie, all grey and covered in holes that appeared to be from falling asleep smoking. 

“Yeah,” I shook my head.  _ He wants me to talk to him. _

“I wish I’d never endured that training and tried to live my life alone,” I answered. It felt random to say and was the last thing Jigen expected to hear from me. 

“I could have been the person I wanted to be,” I continued, “not this shell full of darkness.”

“Who do you want to be?” Jigen asked me, he made himself comfortable at the foot of my bed. 

“I like what I do,” I answered, “but I don’t want to be so scared of being who I am. I don’t like being sad and bottled up but that’s what I was told to do. Always remain neutral. I don’t want to be that but I wouldn’t know how to speak against it. I’m too afraid.”

“Well,” he grunted and adjusted to sit cross legged as I was, “I can help you. Baby steps at a time I’m sure you can get there with a little help. Talking to me about how you feel is already a start. Try complaining about situations you don’t want to be in more often.”

“Like how?” I asked.

“If you hate being around Fujiko,” he began with a little smirk, “tell Lupin you don’t want to do missions that are due to her idiocy.” 

“Suppose I can handle that,” I looked around my room. Hardly anything was in here other than my sword, a little shelf with pictures of all of us in different places, and my clothes in the closet. 

“Your room is also boring,” Jigen looked around with me, “put things you like in here.” 

“Do you read my mind?” I squinted at him and he put his hand on his head, no hat.

“Your actions are easy to read,” he admitted and crawled over next to me. I looked at his eyes, so beautiful and hypnotizing but always hidden from me. 

“You wanna sleep,” I felt my eyes relaxing in a half swooning-half tired state of mind. 

“Let’s do it,” he leaned back and raised his legs so I could pull the blankets from under us. I always made my bed which I hated doing, it was useless if I was just going to mess it up every damn night. 

We made ourselves comfortable in the bed, we laid on our backs. It was a stiff and uncomfortable position, I suppose we were both waiting for someone to make a decision so the other could. I wanted to curl beside him, holding his bicep and breathing into his neck from his shoulder. Who was I to ask that kind of request?

“Are we going to be insecure teenage boys and lay ass to ass?” Jigen joked and I laughed, turning on my side but still keeping my distance from him. He smiled at me and let out a small breath that wafted my face, it was minty. He was chewing gum, weird. 

“Why are you chewing gum?” I completely disregard his question. 

“I figured you didn’t want me to smell like smoke too bad,” he shrugged, “maybe if you decided to kiss me or something.” I felt my face heat up, glad it was dark. 

“If you’re preparing then you’re expecting it,” I flirted, “and you want it to make it good for me right?” 

“Maybe,” he adjusted his position and he turned to face me as I was facing him. 

“You flirt like a teenage boy so me not cuddling you can’t be that foreign to you,” I joked and he cackled. His hand was pressed to his face and he rolled around, I felt good about making him laugh. I hadn’t really laughed at a joke in a long time.

“Hm,” he hummed in thought after his laughing episode, “how do you wanna sleep Goemon?”

“Um,” I looked away from him and sat up slightly, “make yourself comfortable and I’ll figure it out.”

“Sure,” he answered and shifted in the bed. He laid on his back and put his hands behind his head, he looked up at me with a cocky smile. I suppose he was able to detect my desire for him, I started thinking of him shirtless but laying just like that. How beautiful. 

I made some strange noise, earning a little snort from him, and started comforting myself onto his chest. Once I got comfortable it was silent, I felt scared. I felt naked and everyone could see me. 

“I’ve never been with a guy before,” Jigen randomly whispered, “not romantically anyway.”

“I’ve never been with anyone,” I answered, “that might sound pathetic.”

“Not really,” Jigen’s voice rumbled his chest.

“I feel really uncomfortable honestly,” I said shakily, “like I’m not supposed to be here.”   
“Do you want to not be here?” Jigen asked me, I wasn’t even sure. Did the consequences outweigh the rewards? I felt my body shake and it felt like I was dropped into the middle of the woods at night. Everything felt so new and so wrong, so frightening. 

“I’m scared of being gay,” I answered, “you’re the only one who knows. I’ve lived in hiding and now I’m so scared that I’m having to leave. It’s not safe.”   
“ _ You’re  _ scared,” Jigen mocked slightly, “dude I’ve seen you fight people off during heists. You are safe, plus we have each other. We have Lupin. There’s nothing anyone can actually do to you, you’re not a kid anymore. You’re already a highly wanted criminal.”

I never thought of it that way. Maybe I was too trapped in my head, too wrapped around a society full of hatred, too far gone to even consider that I am already hated. Already in the limelight. Already disowned by society. 

I am highly qualified to protect myself and others. 

“I never thought of it that way,” I swallowed, “you’re absolutely right.”   
“You’re afraid,” he put a hand in my hair, “it’s normal man.”

“Thank you,” I blinked and looked down into the fabric of his hoodie. 

“Anytime Goemon,” he said and I tried to look at his face in the dark.

“Be gay and do crime,” Jigen whispered, “that’s what they say.”

“Is it?” I laughed.

“It actually is a common thing people say,” Jigen explained, “it’s supposed to show that you don’t care about that government because of all the anti-gay laws.”

“Makes sense,” I smiled. He had a little smile on his lips, I could even see it in the dark. His hand resting in my hair felt so warm and grounding, his smell was filling my room along with a faint smell of cigarettes. I felt myself craving him, as I had for years. 

There was this territorial feeling, something scratching in my core to take him as mine. The feeling of jealousy and desire, although often lustful this wasn’t. This time I could take what I wanted, I could claim him as my own. He could do the same for me, there was a tug at my heart to just act. 

I suppose he could sense it, he eased my head closer to his and I put one of my hands on his waist. I moved towards him more quickly and our lips met, something primal wanting to take over but I let it dissolve in my stomach. 

His lips were soft and tasted how he smelled, the mint poking through a little strong. His beard was a little scratchy but nothing even slightly worth complaining about. His hand lowered to my neck and there was an urge to be closer to him, I lifted my lips slightly and placed them back down to his. Jigen took his other hand and put it on my chest, pushing slightly to coax me into a position where I’d be towering over him. Once I got there, I lowered my body slowly so I could be ever so close to him. 

When he finally pulled away he gave off some happy sounding sigh. 

“I’m assuming you’ve done that before,” he smirked, “I got a little carried away I’m sorry. Don’t get the wrong idea.”   
“I didn’t get any idea,” I shook my head and relaxed my body completely onto his. 

“Nothing to apologize for,” I whispered and slotted my legs between his. 

“You seemed really skittish earlier so I wanted to make sure you were alright,” he admitted. 

“Where’d your gum go?” I asked, “it’s all I could taste.”   
“Swallowed it,” he amused himself. 

“If we aren’t together for 7 years it won’t be worth it,” I joked. 

“Fine,” he had a faux sense of arrogance.

“Let’s actually get to bed,” I mumbled and rolled back beside him. We got back to our positions we were in before and I sighed quietly to try to relax my body. Although easier said than done, I was able to untense my muscles and my half mast erection began to waver back down. 

_ Nothing seemed to really matter in a world where there was always somewhere to hide but you’re never really alone. _


	2. Chapter 2

_ It had been about a little bit more than a month, a month and three days to the date. Everything was easy with Jigen, he was laid back and laughed a lot. He also kissed me a lot and liked to braid my hair after I showered, complimented the way I smelled at least once a day. He didn’t seem afraid to tell the others after awhile, claiming to be tired of ‘toptoeing around everything like I’m doing something wrong when I’m not’.  _

“Me and Fujiko will be going out to do some gambling tonight,” Lupin yanked the car into park and turned around to me and Jigen. 

“Yes?” Jigen muttered, he always sat really strangely but I always found it somewhat amusing. Right now he had his back against the opposite side of the car as me, his legs sprawled that laid one in my lap and the other on the floor closer to him. 

“You guys want to stay here and have some time by yourselves?” Lupin asked, a hint of sexual implication in his tone. 

“S-sure,” I asked but raised my voice as if it were a question. 

“Yeah sounds good,” Jigen smirked at me and nodded slightly. The air felt sort of thick suddenly and my heart fluttered a bit, Jigen and I hadn’t got past what one might call ‘second base’. I mean it was just a little complicated in that sense, I wasn’t very experienced and Jigen was careful about making sure I wasn’t anxious about anything. 

We pulled ourselves out of the car and walked toward the base, same one we’d been at for awhile. Jigen had his hands tucked in his pockets and his head tilted towards the sky, the sun lowering but casting golden colored light under his hat over his eyes. I walked closer beside him and elbowed him in the arm, he whipped his head back towards me. His hat was knocked higher up on his head and his eyes were visible. 

“What’s up?” He asked quietly and reached his arm out with the keys in hand, he turned the knob and let me walk in first. 

“It’ll be fun you know,” I smirked in his direction, “just me and you here. Considering most of our alone time tends to be in the car or in strange scenarios during heists and things.” 

“That kinda fun huh?” Jigen chuckled, I couldn’t hardly stand his baratone voice that settled in your stomach like a bass drum being wacked too hard. 

“I mean if you’d like I’d-” I felt flustered suddenly, I always had a strong sense of confidence about these sort of things until he spoke. His voice always knocked me out of it making me feel small but not in a bad way, just not quite the way I wanted. 

He laughed low and deep, my face heated up and I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to respond. 

“It’s whatever you want to do,” he shrugged his jacket off at the door and ensured it was locked. He turned to me with a smile and leaned back with the laid back posture he always had, figuartively and literally. 

“I figured today would be a good day to you know,” I sounded weirdly bashful. I stood up straight and made sure my demanor didn’t look shy. It was easy to see that I was stronger and taller, my stature standing much more muscular, and often much more masculine in that way. It could have been easy to assume I was the one who was… doing the courting as one might say but I wasn’t. I was the little school girl desperately being scared of her crush while simotaneously trying to ask him out. 

“I know it sounds childish but we haven’t gone all the way,” I shrugged nonchalantly. I tried to keep myself looking calm, being so shy and stupid made me look like a damn child. 

“We haven’t,” he turned to me with a smile and his hair swished around his neck gently, “is that what you want to do?” There was a glimmer in his eye and I felt like I’d never met him before, that love at first sight feeling even though I’d fallen long ago. 

“Yes,” I nodded and took a deep breath. That was easy, now the next part is doing it. Literally. I watched him tip his hat off into his hand and hang it on the coat rack near his jacket, he never let his hat come off outside of his room. He had this relaxed sort of stagger in his walk as he turned and came towards me, the silence in the room somehow drowning the usual constant sounds of cars and people outside. His hands went around my waist and gently pulled me close to him in an embrace, his eyes wrinkling at the corners as he smiled and pressed a longing but small kiss. 

“Don’t be worried about me or anything,” he said while looking me up and down, “I’ve been a casanova womanizer for ages, dear.”

“I’m just shy asshole,” I chuckled and put one of my hands on his shoulder. I put the other on his chest, I would’ve put it on his hip but I was a little tall. 

“Can’t say anyone’s ever been taller than me before but hey maybe that’ll be better,” he smiled with his teeth. 

“Please be quiet,” I laughed and he guided me toward the couch. We sat down and he kissed me carefully, it was gentle and the kisses lingered on lazily. The golden sun shone through the windows was warm on the skin, lighting the room up in orange as it set. 

“I know for a fact womanizer isn’t quite the word either,” I retorted after a few minutes. 

“Right,” he nodded and unbuttoned the first few buttons of his blue shirt, “although manizer doesn’t quite roll of the tongue the same does it.”

“I can give you something to roll on your tongue,” I tested and he chuckled. He crowded over me, as much as he could being half my size, to get me to lay down half way while my back pressed against the arm of the red couch. He had this confident look on his face, a cocky smile and his eyes sparkling lustfully. 

“I’d ask if you can handle me but I’m worried I can’t handle you,” he inched his knee closer to my half mast erection.

“Do I intimidate you marksman?” I flirted, I suppose I was better at this than I thought. My compsure held well enough. 

“A little,” he shrugged and used one of his hands to tug at my kimono, “why wouldn’t I be?”

“I suppose I’m too intimidated by you to notice,” I admitted and he sighed happily. 

“How… weirdly flattering,” he chuckled and pressed against my fully. My dick twitched and I made a small grunt, earning a smile from Jigen. 

“I think we’ll do just fine,” Jigen mumbled in amusment. He took his hands to the tie around my ‘robe’ as he would call it, untying it easily and it slid half way down my arms. He took to my neck, kissing at first and I silently found a place on the couch to grip in case I needed to. My breathing was scattered, I could feel his lips curl into a smile and he started to nibble at my skin. 

“You can touch me you know,” he whispered against my neck before continuing with what he was doing. I attempted to unbutton his shirt, finding it slightly difficult but eventually sliding his shirt off in sucess. His tie still hung on him loosely, tickling against my stomach and chest. I took a deep breath and he started to move down to my chest, making swipes with his tongue. I groaned and scratched at his back slightly when he traced over one of my nipples. 

He made a small hum and latched onto it, I arched my back and moaned louder than I wanted to honestly. I moved my hand to his ass and gripped it hard. 

“Easy tiger we have a few hours if they’re going to the casino,” Jigen mutttered and kissed my chest gently, “I won’t drag it out too long but there’s no hurry.”   
“Mhm,” I agreed weakly. I sounded pathetic but I’d already tripped into the endless pit that was Jigen turning me on, my mind was heavily fogged. 

I tried to give him a more put together facial expression, a smirk and relaxed eyes. I slipped my finger into his tie and pulled it, watching it unravel at my pull. I met back at his eyes and he was suddenly a little red at the cheeks. I gently eased him back with my hand on his chest, allowing myself to sit up a bit. I grabbed at his belt and unbuckled it, the loud sounds of metal and leather sort of knocking him from a daze. He blinked and looked down at my handwork, I was rather dexterous with long slender fingers and slid the belt off with ease. 

I sat up slightly, pulling my kimono off in a dramtically seductive manner while Jigen silently watched. I saw my body already blooming marks from Jigen, nothing I hadn’t had before. I glared at him shirtless, a thin but lean body covered with thick dark hair. Another twitch from downstairs and I kinda wished his knee was back in its place. 

“So what’s the uh-” Jigen ran a hand through his hair mussing it up. God had forsaken me with this one, if he expected me not to be attracted to men why would he make them look like  _ that _ ?

“Shit,” I mumbled, “whatever you want Jigen.” The slightly amused but dominant look in his eyes made my heart beat fast, I grew more excited by the second and I glanced over his torso one more time. He sat himself on his knees and undid the tie on my pants, I assisted him in sliding them off my body.

“When did you stop wearing the weird loincloth?” He chuckled and I batted his hands jokingly. 

“It’s traditional,” I crossed my arms in a faux pout, “and when we got together. I assumed you thought it was strange.”

“It was but you don’t have to change for me dearie,” he answered and smiled a little. 

“They’re also much more comfortable,” I admitted with a breath of laughter. He seemed amused with a small huff of air from him as well. 

He crowed back over me with that look in his eyes, I felt my body sink into the cushions and I laid my hands down beside me. 

“Just let me know if I need to stop,” Jigen muttered, “but I’m sure you’ll be just fine.” I nodded and he pressed his lips back to mine. He kept his lips locked with mine, his tongue swiped my lower lip and I opened my mouth up to him. Our tongues gliding along each other and twisting into each other, I hardly noticed Jigen moving but when his hand went down my underwear and over my erection I made a small gasp into his mouth. 

He seemed to feel so cocky when he made me feel like that, I felt the corner of his lips turn up. He wrapped his fingers around me and started to stroke my cock slowly, I curled my toes a little and focused on our kiss which was seemingly impossible. Everything continued to go more sloppy and it amused him, my small thrusts and noises making him chuckle against my lips. He pulled away from me but kept his hand there, still slow. A line of saliva connected us and I felt all the, now cold, spit slicking my lips and mouth. 

He moved to my ear and his breath fanned my sensitive skin, I squeaked a little. He licked at my ear and took a small nibble at my earlobe, I thrust back up into his fist and whined slightly. 

“More,” I panted out weakly, “p-please.” He responded with a quickening of his fist, I arched my back slightly and sunk more into the cushions. Jigen moved down to keep up with me lowering, his body towering over me even more. I put my hands on his shoulders and he moved over me more, his thigh slotting between my legs and his arms propping him up at my head. 

“Fuck,” I groaned and thrust up into his hand more. He stroked even faster, I dug my nails into his skin and scratched down a little. 

“I want,” I breathed out, “not just me.” He stilled his hand and I wanted to cry out in complaint, but i didn’t want him to jerk me off and that’s it. 

“Hm?” He questioned with a small head tilt, the sun had set most of the way and it was dark as the lights hadn’t been turned on when we came in. 

“I want you to feel good too,” I gave him tired eyes. My dick started to hurt, I hadn’t been this hard in my life. I pulled my hands from his back to unbutton and unzip his pants, helping him slide them off and onto the floor. 

And he was bigger than I expected. 

I cleared my throat and slipped a finger into the waistband, sliding them down as well. Mine still sat at my ankles but I kicked them off and onto the floor now that I had the chance. 

“I’ll be right back,” Jigen muttered and rushed away. He had a nice ass as well, how could his dick be bigger than mine? That didn’t seem fair considering I was taller but that’s fine, I’ll enjoy it later.

He got back with a bottle of lubricant in his hand, slotting back into his spot carefully and lathering his palm. 

“D-don’t worry I’m not,” he looked embarassed, “you know.” He leaned back over me and I laughed a little at his shyness, I wouldn’t have taken him for that type. 

“‘S fine,” I watched him line us up and wrap his hand around. I immediately groaned and Jigen bit at his lip, he took a deep breath and began slowly. I hissed and thrusted, earning a closed mouth moan from his throat. He sped up his fist, likely growing tired of the slow pace as well. 

“Jigen,” I moaned loudly, “I’m gonna fucking-” I groaned and came into his hand, his dick, and both of our stomaches. I shoved his hand away and finished him off myself, I felt a little off for finishing so soon but I focused on  _ him _ . 

His fists were clenching, some of my hair caught between his fingers and being yanked on slightly. His hips were desperately pushing into me and his sounds were between panting, occasional moaning, and curses slipping from his lips. I used my other hand to coax him toward me, kissing him harshly and nipping his lip earning a shudder in response. He moaned loud against my lips and his mouth fell open, his orgasm spilling onto me and the wetness of our kiss spilling down our faces. His muscles felt limp but still shakily desperate not to fall into the mess of our bodies. 

“I uh,” Jigen blinked sleepily, “that was um, you… hmm.”

“Take your time princess,” I laughed slightly tired. 

“Words can be for later,” he yawned and reluctantly laid down on me. I groaned when I felt all the liquids squish and move thick, hot between us. The feeling was weirdly nice but also sort of digusting. 

“Gross,” I mumbled and he laughed a little. His hearty, deep laugh pinged against my ribs and warmed my heart. 

“I know we just like,” I stopped for a beat to think, “had sexual realtions but I just want to say I love you. Would that be inappropriate?”

“Of course not,” Jigen chuckled before slowly breaking into full fledged cackling. 

“How am I supposed to know?” I felt my face blushing and pure embarassment plagued my bones. 

“I’m sorry,” Jigen began to settle his laughter and wrapped his arms around me, “I love you too Goemon. This was… fun to say the least.”

“I apologize for being awkward,” I wrapped an arm around Jigen and put the other over my face.

“It’s your first time it’s alright man,” Jigen chuckled. 

“Not my first time,” I snapped and he made a sound of surrender. 

“Hey my bad I just assumed,” Jigen smiled. He had this curl to his lips, so distinct to his face the way his features twisted into that teeth bearing smile. 

“Only once though when I was young,” I finished to make sure there was some understanding, “woman.” I really did not want to let Jigen get the wrong understanding of me, I had a hard time speaking at times like this where my mind was not on high alert. Right now all I felt was the melting pleasure of Jigen’s body against mine, how boneless I felt. I started to drift away, the feeling of static contentness like you’d feel in a meditation filled me. 

“Goemon,” Jigen said slightly loud. I hummed and blinked at him, he smiled gently as if mocking me. 

“Let’s shower and go to bed huh?” Jigen continued to giggle at me, I suppose he was laughing at y spaced off-ness. 

“Carry me,” I mumbled and felt such a strong urge to sleep. I felt so tired and comfortable, like I was cradled by clouds. He snickered and pulled his arms from me, he looked down contemplatively and peeled himself from me. It was slick and sticky, both of us making disgusted faces as we separated. 

He scooped me up, bridal style in his arms, and I didn’t know what emotion to feel. Disgust from the sweaty, disgusting, slimy, and warm mess that our naked bodies were in that moment. Joy from the playful act of lifting me fully naked, the feeling of his hands slightly ticklish at my bare sides. Romantic love type feelings from being so close, so vulnerable, so happy, and so comfortable in the arms of someone I love. 


End file.
